If you’re searching how to feel more confident, I want to start by saying this
You’re not behind and you’re definitely not the only one.
I wasn’t a confident girl at school.
I was the one who never put her hand up. If the teacher said we were going round the class to answer a question, I’d feel sick. I’d sit there holding my breath, rehearsing what I was going to say, praying I wouldn’t mess it up. And after I had talked, I’d sit there wanting to shrink thinking everyone was laughing and criticising me. That moment would stay with me for too long.
I was self-conscious about my voice. My hair. My teeth. My clothes. I thought everyone noticed everything.
That didn’t magically disappear when I became an adult either.
Low self confidence for me wasn’t dramatic. It was quiet.
It was overthinking everything I said.
Replaying conversations.
Avoiding eye contact.
Keeping my voice small and flat in meetings.
Sitting back in social events and telling myself I had nothing worth saying, that nobody cared if I said anything.
Social anxiety followed me into work meetings and networking events. Even as a grown woman, if I knew I’d have to speak, I’d feel that same tight chest I felt at school.
I truly believed confidence meant being loud, bold and not caring what anyone thought. So I decided I just wasn’t that type of person.
The Truth About How To Feel More Confident
There wasn’t one big breakthrough moment. It was small, steady work.
I started pushing myself gently. Going to networking events even when I didn’t want to. Speaking up once instead of not at all. Letting my voice shake and doing it anyway. And not speaking badly to myself after.
And every time I did something uncomfortable and survived it, I collected evidence.
Evidence that I could do hard things.
Evidence that I didn’t crumble.
Evidence that the fear wasn’t fatal.
Working with my mindset coaching mentor helped me understand something that changed everything: you don’t start confident. You build confidence by being a beginner. You won’t know everything at the start. You’ll feel awkward. You’ll feel messy. That’s totally normal.
Confidence isn’t about being perfect. It’s about taking action before you feel ready.
Here’s what I see now.
Most women think confidence is a personality trait.
It isn’t.
They think it means:
- Being the loudest in the room
- Never caring what anyone thinks
- Always knowing what to say
Real confidence is much quieter than that.
It’s walking into a room and not making it about you.
It’s knowing people are far more worried about themselves than analysing you. It’s being able to share your opinion if you choose to not because you have to prove something. It’s being yourself without constantly monitoring how you’re coming across.
And here’s the uncomfortable but freeing truth:
Nobody is thinking about you as much as you think they are.
When was the last time you judged someone harshly for a small awkward moment… and thought about it all day?
You probably had a fleeting thought and moved on. Moved on to your own to do list or what you need from the supermarket etc.
Other people are doing the same with you.
If you want to know how to feel more confident, start here:
Take one small action that scares you slightly.
Let it be messy. And celebrate it anyway.
Stop waiting to feel confident before you act.
Act, and confidence will slowly follow.
Also ask yourself this:
If we don’t know how much time we have left, so why are we spending it worrying about what someone else might be thinking?
That perspective changed me. I didn’t want my children growing up watching me shrink myself. Imagine yourself 80 years old and looking back at your life, wouldn’t you wish you had taken that action you wanted to?
Perspective can change everything, so I stopped waiting
I’m still not the loudest person in the room. I don’t need to be. I’ll probably always be an introvert and I am fine with that
But I no longer feel small.
And if you’re someone who feels shy, anxious, self-conscious or stuck in your head… that doesn’t mean confidence isn’t for you.
It just means you haven’t built the evidence yet.
And you can.
If this sounds like you and you’re tired of overthinking, holding yourself back or doubting your voice, you don’t have to figure it out alone.
You can book a Personal Breakthrough Call and we’ll look at what’s keeping you stuck and how to start building real, steady confidence in a way that feels like you.
The link is here when you’re ready.